Darkest days

Lost in youth is many things.The love that was once there has gone as if someone blew dirt into the wind.The once joyous days replaced with ones of forlorn and grief.Looking forward to a bright shining day is seemingly forbidden although I tried to stay optimistic towards life it seems as if there is always something or someone to weigh you down.There is some truth in these lies.As day by day goes on there really is not an excuse not to be sad.In the darkest of days there lies something within in us that stirs us and causes us to be sad.There is also  an opposing force:the feeling of joy.Although for me this feeling is very weak compared to the sadness it still exists ,yet joy is dampened by the harder things in life.Things like school,my parents and my conflicting feelings.In my grief I want to cry out but of course whenever I do not many people hear.The wave of guilt and sorrow from the past overshadows me.What have I done so wrong that many people dislike me?What did I  do that was so bad? Have the actions of my past also not proven that I am just? As the singer Otep from the band Otep said in her song I, Alone: ,"Isolated in defiance, I will remain.May the bridges I burn light my way.". Oh how I long for warm embrace the embrace of someone or something that will hear me not hurt me.The one that will care ,but yet I don't see him.Can't I even dream? Are all of my dreams nothing,but forbidden? A longing desire to see a brighter future time and place.Alone in this bed I lie pondering and crying.These are my darkest days.